The Gods Read PJO
by M0RKIESTAR
Summary: So, I'm nuts! But apparantly(copying off a few peoples' ideas) the demigods go back in time. Placed right after the titan war. I own nothing (that belongs to RR). I hope you enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own any characters of the holy RR. Also credit to the fanfic authors who gave me the character set.**

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Chapter 1: Intro

Chiron, Annabeth & Percy were sitting by the Big House, the Titan War had just ended. In other words, time to sit back and relax. It sorta went like that, but...

A package popped up. It was wrapped like a Christmas present, green with little Santa Claus pictures on it, and a big red bow. It also had a dangling star-shaped gift tag that was way bigger than any normal gift tag. In the heat of July, it was the last thing that could ever happen. Well, not really.

"So, where's the Christmas tree?" Annabeth said. "Because I have a very strong feeling this isn't Christmas..."

"Or is it?" Percy asked in response. We laughed at that.

Chiron wasn't so amused. "Who would send us a package?"

He shrugged.

"Probably one of the gods," Annabeth replied.

She started to pull the wrapper delicately, but when it started to tear, she decided to rip it off.

Like a 3-year old, Percy said, "Annabeth, what's inside? What's inside? What's inside? What's inside? What's in-"

"It's a box, Seaweed Brain." She said to that.

"What's inside the box?"

"I'm getting to that, Seaweed Brain." She opened the box with exaggerated slowness, and a smirk.

"What's inside? What's inside? What's inside? Wh-"

"It's a set of books, but I guess you wouldn't know."

"What's inside? What's inside? What's ins- Wait, is that me?"

She looked at the cover. "Apparantly." Maybe, she could be surprised...

"Cool, they made books on me! Wait, they made books on me, but not a motion picture? Styx."

Annabeth noticed the gift tag. "Hey, it's a note. Chiron, can you read it for us?"

_"Dear little demigods(or Chiron),_

_I have decided that being the amazing all-powerful beings that we are, we need to talk to our past awesome all-powerful beings(and Hades) and tell them about our amazingness! We decided to do this by telling a story from Mr. Jackson's view(we took it out of his mind!)! It here is a set of five books. We need Percy, Annabeth, Thalia(we have permission!), Nico, and 3 other demigods of your choice to read it to the gods! I'd suggest my sons, and Clarisse(to satisfy Ares!)! There is also a pair of anti-dyslexic glasses in here! And don't forget the portal to Narnia! No, stupid Auto-Correct! Sorry, it's a portal back in time!(the machine likes exclamation points, apparantly!)_

_- From the all-powerful Olympians!_

_Written by Hermes on the Run!_

_(Note to Self: I need to get a new computer, maybe one from the 21st!)"_

"Wait, the Olympians took it out of my mind? That's creepy! Like, stalker creepy!"

Annabeth shuddered, "So true."

Percy looked behind him, like an eagle was following him or something.

A quick IM got Thalia and Nico in.

Clarrise was in the sparring field. It took a sword, some knives, and a lot of cheeseburgers to make her come.

The Stolls were easy on the other hand. They grabbed their camaras, and a lot of other stolen stuff that was sure to make trouble. _Double Trouble, Toil and Rubble... _Was that how it went? Percy didn't know.

Finally they were all gathered.

"So, we're going to go back in time and tell our parents about us?" Connor said for the billionth time.

"Pretty much," Percy replied.

"This is gonna be fun."

"Shut up already!" Thalia yelled, "You've asked the same questions for the past fifteen minutes!"

Connor grinned.

"Can I go spear some animals while you're setting up the... 'thingie'? When are we going to kill?" Clarisse was very violent when impatiant. No wait, that was normal.

At last the portal was set up. It was basically a big white sheet. Annabeth was marveling the glasses, putting them on and off, and staring at english signs happily.

Chiron called her over here.

And everybody(except Chiron) held hands(except Clarisse) and walked into the glowing portal together.


	2. Chapter 2: How to Vaporize your Teacher!

**So people, finally got my first chapter. The more you comment the faster I'll post. KK?**

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_**Chapter 2: I Accidentally Vaporize My Algebra Teacher**_

_Winter Solstice_

To the gods it looked like seven demigods appeared out of nowhere. All of them were holding hands except a very buff girl, which most of them thought was an Ares kid. The girl on the other side was also holding a package.

The girl holding the package had blond curls and grey eyes. _Athena._ The boy next to her had green eyes and black hair. Nobody was exactly sure about him. The boy to the other side of him was dark-haired, dark-eyed. Hades recognized him, but filed it away until after the introductions. Next to him was a hunter who'd apparently added a couple more spikes to the uniform. And last of all, not including the buff girl, was two very evil-looking twins. Zeus could already see the trouble they would make.

To Aphrodite, this was an interesting scene. The Athena girl and that green-eyed boy seemed to have a love connection, though it was obvious they were trying to hide it. She knew just enough not to bring it up. The goth boy seemed to have a crush on the hunter, but that was forbidden. The buff girl wasn't the love type, but it would be funny to see the twins flirting with her. Maybe not because they like her, but... No meddling with emotions, but it would be funny.

_ It always starts with a bet._

* * *

Annabeth made a cautious entrance. No need to worry Poseidon and Athena of her couple status.

Clarisse was off to the side sharpening her sword. We dragged her back. "When can we kill some monsters?"

Most of the gods snickered. Definitely an Ares spawn.

Annabeth looked to the godly calendar at the side of the throne room. It was 1985. Before anyone who came here was born. _Maybe we can keep our parentage a secret._

Percy stepped up. "Well, umm... how do you explain this? Umm... we come in peace from the future." He made an alien peace sign. Annabeth punched him playfully. He continued. "The gods in the future told us to go back in time and tell the gods of the past, about the future. Got that?"

"How do I know you're not lying?" Athena asked.

"We wouldn't lie to a god would could fry us." Annabeth kicked him. "Umm... Lord Zeus. "We are supposed to read you five books..."

"What are your names?" Zeus asked. "I have to fry you if you don't tell us."

"I'm Annabeth."

"I'm Percy."

"I'm Thalia."

"I'm Clarisse. Do you have a hunting range?"

"I'm Nico."

"Nico? I thought you were in-in... Where's Bianca?" Hades said nervously.

"Wait? You broke the pact?" Zeus was furious.

"No, I didn't. I got him and his sister a long time back. To protect them, I put them in the Lotus Casino, so they would be safe..."

"We will discuss this later."

Thankfully, everyone was brightened by the Stolls. They did a little gig, and sang a terribly off-tune song. It was amusing when they started playing leap-frog, but by then they were very far off the topic of introductions. Annabeth giggled immaturely as Thalia took the two up off the floor.

"So, are you going to start or not?" asked a very impatient Demeter. "I could be eating my whole grains while you are being morons." She got up and turned to the Olympians. "Don't forget your whole grains!"

"Um... sure?" Annabeth said. "So who's going first?"

Percy raised his hand. He took the book from Annabeth's hand. "These books are about me! Beat that, Travis!"

"Yes, but with this many drachmas in my pocket, I can hire an author to write six books about me! No, a movie! I can see the name already. I will be known across the country as TRAVIS..."

"Can't wait to see that!"

"Can you start reading already?" Thalia said.

"Umm... yeah..." He put on the anti-dyslexic glasses. "Hey, look, it's called **The Lightning Thief**! Oh, good times, good times..."

Nico looked amazed. "He-he-he-he can read?"

"No durr!" Thalia said.

"Just start already!"

"Fine. The first chapter is **I Accidently Vaporize My Algebra Teacher.**

** Look, I didn't want to be a half-blood.**

"First logical statement you've ever said."

** If you're reading this because you think you might be one, my advice is: close this book right now. Believe whatever lie your mom or dad told you about your birth, and try to lead a normal life.**

"Oh, no! I'm a half-blood! I'll have to go to Hogwarts and face Voldemort!" *british accent*

Apollo threw a pillow at Nico. "That doesn't even make sense!"

"Just because you don't like Harry Potter doesn't mean you have to insult me!" Nico pretended to storm away. He came back pretty fast, to listen to the rest of the story.

Apollo just looked confused. "Can somebody explain what he's talking about?"

** Being a half-blood is dangerous. It's scary. Most of the time, it gets you killed in painful, nasty ways.**

** If you're a normal kid, reading this because you think it's fiction, great. Read on. I envy you for being able to believe that none of this ever happened.**

"True..."

** But if you recognize yourself in these pages-if you feel something stirring inside-stop reading immediately. You might be one of us. And once you know that, it's only a matter of time before they sense it too, and they'll come for you.**

** Don't say I didn't warn you.**

"Percy, you never told me how dramatic you were." Nico started. "_If you feel something stirring..._" he mimicked.

** My name is Percy Jackson.**

"No durr!" Nico exclaimed.

** I'm twelve years old. Until a few months ago, I was a boarding student at Yancy Academy, a private school for troubled kids in upstate New York.**

** Am I a troubled kid?**

"Noooo... You're not a troubled kid." Connor said. "You're normal!"

Thalia snickered.

** Yeah. You could say that.**

"You _could_ say that." Travis smirked.

Percy grinned sheepishly.

** I could start at any point in my short miserable life to prove it, but things really started going bad last May, when our sixth-grade class took a field trip to Manhattan- twenty-eight mental-case kids and two teachers on a yellow school bus, heading to the Metropolitan Museum of Art to look at ancient Greek and Roman stuff.**

"Yeah!" Athena yelled.

Everybody turned to her.

"What?" Her face was red.

** I know-it sounds like torture. Most Yancy field trips were.**

"Oh, Percy." Annabeth smiled. "You're so stupid."

** But Mr. Brunner, our Latin teacher, was leading this trip, so I had hopes.**

"Yeah, Chiron!" Percy pumped his fist in the air.

** Mr. Brunner was this middle-aged guy in a motorized wheelchair. He had thinning hair and a scruffy beard and a frayed tweed jacket, which always smelled like coffee. You wouldn't think he'd be cool, but he told stories and jokes and let us play games in class. He also had this awesome collection of Roman armor and weapons, so he was the only teacher whose class didn't put me to sleep.**

"Percy wasn't sleeping in class?"

** I hoped the trip would be okay. At least, I hoped that for once I wouldn't get in trouble.**

** Boy, was I wrong.**

"When are you not?"

** See, bad things happen to me on field trips. Like at my fifth-grade school, when we went to the Saratoga battlefield, I had this accident with a Revolutionary War cannon.**

Hermes raised an eyebrow. "Accident?"

** I wasn't aiming for the school bus, but of course I got expelled anyway.**

Percy chuckled nervously, but everyone else was laughing away.

"Accident," Thalia confirmed.

** And before that, at my fourth-grade school, when we took a behind-the-scenes tour of the Marine World shark pool, I sort of hit the wrong lever on the catwalk and our class took an unplanned swim. And the time before that… Well, you get the idea.**

All the demigods were cracking up at this, but the gods didn't get the full joke.

** This trip, I was determined to be good.**

"Yes, and that turned out right."

** All the way into the city, I put up with Nancy Bobofit, the freckly, redheaded kleptomaniac girl, hitting my best friend Grover in the back of the head with chunks of peanut butter-and-ketchup sandwich.**

"Peanut butter-and-ketchup. Eww!" Annabeth squealed.

Even Clarisse looked like she was going to barf.

** Grover was an easy target. He was scrawny. He cried when he got frustrated. He must've been held back several grades, because he was the only sixth grader with acne and the start of a wispy beard on his chin. On top of all that, he was crippled. He had a note excusing him from PE for the rest of his life because he had some kind of muscular disease in his legs. He walked funny, like every step hurt him, but don't let that fool you. You should've seen him run when it was enchilada day in the cafeteria.**

"Are enchiladas that good?" Zeus asked. "I must try some of these heavenly enchiladas!"

"I'm not sure," Percy said. "Ask Grover."

** Anyway, Nancy Bobofit was throwing wads of sandwich that stuck in his curly brown hair, and she knew I couldn't do anything back to her because I was already on probation. The headmaster had threatened me with death by in-school suspension if anything bad, embarrassing, or even mildly entertaining happened on this trip.**

"I feel like barfing right now."

"The bathrooms are over there." Connor pointed.

** "I'm going to kill her," I mumbled.**

"Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!" Ares yelled.

"Calm down!"

** Grover tried to calm me down. "It's okay. I like peanut butter."**

** He dodged another piece of Nancy's lunch.**

"I remember that. It was like, we all love peanut butter, but PB&K. That was gross."

** "That's it." I started to get up,**

"Yeah!" Travis yelled. "Percy go protecto time!"

** but Grover pulled me back to my seat.**

Travis gave a drachma to Connor. Definitely a bet.

** "You're already on probation," he reminded me. "You know who'll get blamed if anything happens."**

"So?" Said Thalia.

** Looking back on it, I wish I'd decked Nancy Bobofit right then and there. In-school suspension would've been nothing compared to the mess I was about to get myself into.**

Ares whined. "Why didn't you?"

"Because he's a wimp," Clarisse answered. "Whatcha think?"

** Mr. Brunner led the museum tour.**

"No."

** He rode up front in his wheelchair, guiding us through the big echoey galleries, past marble statues and glass cases full of really old black-and-orange pottery.**

"Really, Percy, really?"

"Yes, really Annie, really."

"Don't call me Annie!"

** It blew my mind that this stuff had survived for two thousand, three thousand years.**

"No durr, Percy!" Nico started. "How stupid can you get?"

The gods were confused at the demigod conversations.

** He gathered us around a thirteen-foot-tall stone column with a big sphinx on the top, and started telling us how it was a grave marker, a stele, for a girl about our age. He told us about the carvings on the sides. I was trying to listen to what he had to say, because it was kind of interesting, but everybody around me was talking, and every time I told them to shut up, the other teacher chaperone, Mrs. Dodds, would give me the evil eye.**

"She's a monster, isn't she?"

** Mrs. Dodds was this little math teacher from Georgia who always wore a black leather jacket, even though she was fifty years old. She looked mean enough to ride a Harley right into your locker. She had come to Yancy halfway through the year, when our last math teacher had a nervous breakdown.**

"What is it?" Artemis remarked.

"I'm not sure."

** From her first day, Mrs. Dodds loved Nancy Bobofit and figured I was devil spawn. She would point her crooked finger at me and say, "Now, honey," real sweet, and I knew I was going to get after-school detention for a month.**

"Once, me and Travis had a duel to find out who was the King of detention. I won, because I got detention for..." He counted on his fingers. "I think it was half the school year straight. He was a detention short."

** One time, after she'd made me erase answers out of old math workbooks until midnight, I told Grover I didn't think Mrs. Dodds was human. He looked at me, real serious, and said, "You're absolutely right."**

"Styx, Grover! You weren't even supposed to hint about it!"

"Percy, when are you going to kick butt?"

"Percy, can you tell Grover to stop being so ominous?"

"Uhh... sure."

** Mr. Brunner kept talking about Greek funeral art.**

** Finally, Nancy Bobofit snickered something about the naked guy on the stele,**

"Pretty gross!" Connor covered his nose.

** and I turned around and said, "Will you shut up?"**

** It came out louder than I meant it to.**

"Doesn't it always?" Apollo asked.

** The whole group laughed. Mr. Brunner stopped his story.**

** "Mr. Jackson," he said, "did you have a comment?"**

** My face was totally red. I said, **

"Percy, can you tell your past self to stop being stupid?"

** "No, sir."**

"The book answered us! It even called me sir!"

** Mr. Brunner pointed to one of the pictures on the stele. "Perhaps you'll tell us what this picture represents?"**

** I looked at the carving, and felt a flush of relief, because I actually recognized it. "That's Kronos eating his kids, right?"**

"Not a good memory." A few of the gods shuddered.

** "Yes," Mr. Brunner said, obviously not satisfied. "And he did this because …"**

** "Well…" I racked my brain to remember. "Kronos was the king god, and-"**

"God?"

** "God?" Mr. Brunner asked.**

"You act like Chiron!"

** "Titan," I corrected myself. "And … he didn't trust his kids, who were the gods. So, um, Kronos ate them, right? But his wife hid baby Zeus, and gave Kronos a rock to eat instead. And later, when Zeus grew up, he tricked his dad, Kronos, into barfing up his brothers and sisters-"**

"Yet again, not a good memory..."

"It was so dark and cramped in there."

"Can we resume reading now?"

** "Eeew!" said one of the girls behind me.**

** "-and so there was this big fight between the gods and the Titans," I continued, "and the gods won."**

"Wow. Centuries of fighting in a few sentences. Just wow."

** Some snickers from the group.**

"I can see why?"

** Behind me, Nancy Bobofit mumbled to a friend, "Like we're going to use this in real life. Like it's going to say on our job applications, 'Please explain why Kronos ate his kids.'"**

"Yes, Nancy. It's going to say, 'Please explain why Kronos ate his kids.'"

Thalia made a barfing motion, and everyone cracked up.

** "And why, Mr. Jackson," Brunner said, "to paraphrase Miss Bobofit's excellent question, does this matter in real life?"**

"Busted!"

** "Busted," Grover muttered.**

"I can tell the future! I am amazing!" Connor pumped his fist in the air.

** "Shut up,"**

"She got that right!" Thalia said.

** Nancy hissed, her face even brighter red than her hair.**

"I'm going to assume she looked like a cherry."

"She did."

** At least Nancy got packed, too. Mr. Brunner was the only one who ever caught her saying anything wrong. He had radar ears.**

"Cool!" Connor rubbed his hands together mischeviously.

** I thought about his question, and shrugged. "I don't know, sir."**

"Typical."

** "I see." Mr. Brunner looked disappointed. "Well, half credit, Mr. Jackson. Zeus did indeed feed Kronos a mixture of mustard and wine,**

"Ewwww!"

** which made him disgorge**

"Nice way of putting it."

** his other five children, who, of course, being immortal gods, had been living and growing up completely undigested in the Titan's stomach. The gods defeated their father, sliced him to pieces with his own scythe, and scattered his remains in Tartarus, the darkest part of the Underworld. On that happy note, it's time for lunch. Mrs. Dodds, would you lead us back outside?"**

Everybody was laughing. "Oh, Chiron!"

** The class drifted off, the girls holding their stomachs, the guys pushing each other around and acting like doofuses.**

Demeter smiled, "Of course they're doofuses. And all this unpleasant talk is making me hungry. Raise your hand if you want some cereal."

Most of us were making puking notions, from the previous paragraph, but somehow Hermes's hand was in the air.

"Hey," he started. "I do a lot of errands. I get hungry."

Zeus apparently was also hungry, but he was too proud to raise his hand. Instead he said, "I'll have some."

Two bowls popped out of nowhere. The smaller had a pair of winged shoes on it. The larger had a lightning bolt. A box of what looked like Lucky Charms, except it said Ambrosia above it, appeared in Demeter's hand. She handed the smaller to Hermes, and the larger to Zeus. Despite the fact that Zeus's hands covered the whole bowl, he fished out a rainbow piece and popped it in his mouth. Everybody pretended not to notice the ridiculous scene, but was his face red.

Percy took this opportunity to read on.

** Grover and I were about to follow when Mr. Brunner said, "Mr. Jackson."**

** I knew that was coming.**

** I told Grover to keep going. Then I turned toward Mr. Brunner. "Sir?"**

** Mr. Brunner had this look that wouldn't let you go- intense brown eyes that could've been a thousand years old and had seen everything.**

"He has, idiot!"

** "You must learn the answer to my question," Mr. Brunner told me.**

** "About the Titans?"**

"When will he stop being stupid?"

"I dunno. Never?"

** "About real life. And how your studies apply to it."**

** "Oh."**

"Yeah, Percy. You need to learn it because you are a magical *dreamy expression* demigod. It's perfectly normal."

** "What you learn from me," he said, "is vitally important. I expect you to treat it as such. I will accept only the best from you, Percy Jackson."**

"Gods, he pushes Percy hard."

** I wanted to get angry, this guy pushed me so hard.**

** I mean, sure, it was kind of cool on tournament days, when he dressed up in a suit of Roman armor and shouted: "What ho!'" and challenged us, sword-point against chalk, to run to the board and name every Greek and Roman person who had ever lived, and their mother, and what god they worshipped. But Mr. Brunner expected me to be as good as everybody else, despite the fact that I have dyslexia and attention deficit disorder and I had never made above a C- in my life. No-he didn't expect me to be as good; he expected me to be better. And I just couldn't learn all those names and facts, much less spell them correctly.**

Travis, who had stolen the sword Clarisse had strapped on her back in his hand held it up in the air and cried "What ho!" in an imitation of Chiron.

** I mumbled something about trying harder, while Mr. Brunner took one long sad look at the stele, like he'd been at this girl's funeral.**

"Moron. I can't believe little Percy was so stupid. He obviously was at her funeral."

** He told me to go outside and eat my lunch.**

** The class gathered on the front steps of the museum, where we could watch the foot traffic along Fifth Avenue**.

** Overhead, a huge storm was brewing, with clouds blacker than I'd ever seen over the city. I figured maybe it was global warming or something, because the weather all across New York state had been weird since Christmas. We'd had massive snow storms, flooding, wildfires from lightning strikes. I wouldn't have been surprised if this was a hurricane blowing in.**

Zeus froze. "Why are we fighting [again]?"

** Nobody else seemed to notice. Some of the guys were pelting pigeons with Lunchables crackers. Nancy Bobofit was trying to pickpocket something from a lady's purse, and, of course, Mrs. Dodds wasn't seeing a thing.**

"I bet you she's not as good as me!"

"Oh, Connor," Thalia started. "Who could ever be?"

** Grover and I sat on the edge of the fountain, away from the others. We thought that maybe if we did that, everybody wouldn't know we were from that school-the school for loser freaks who couldn't make it elsewhere.**

"Loser freaks?"

** "Detention?" Grover asked.**

** "Nah," I said. "Not from Brunner. I just wish he'd lay off me sometimes. I mean-I'm not a genius."**

"Hey, Percy admitted it!"

** Grover didn't say anything for a while. Then, when I thought he was going to give me some deep philosophical comment to make me feel better, he said, "Can I have your apple?"**

"Grover has won the award for most deep philosophical comment."

Thalia mocked Grover. "Can I have your apple?"

Everyone was laughing.

** I didn't have much of an appetite, so I let him take it.**

** I watched the stream of cabs going down Fifth Avenue, and thought about my mom's apartment, only a little ways uptown from where we sat. I hadn't seen her since Christmas. I wanted so bad to jump in a taxi and head home. She'd hug me and be glad to see me, but she'd be disappointed, too. She'd send me right back to Yancy, remind me that I had to try harder, even if this was my sixth school in six years and I was probably going to be kicked out again. I wouldn't be able to stand that sad look she'd give me.**

Percy smiled. "That's not much of a problem now, is it?"

** Mr. Brunner parked his wheelchair at the base of the handicapped ramp. He ate celery while he read a paperback novel. A red umbrella stuck up from the back of his chair, making it look like a motorized cafe table.**

"Has someone invented that yet?"

Hephaestus raised his hand.

** I was about to unwrap my sandwich when Nancy Bobofit appeared in front of me with her ugly friends-I guess she'd gotten tired of stealing from the tourists-and dumped her half-eaten lunch in Grover's lap.**

"Ewww!"

"I'm not liking Nancy."

"No durr!" Nico yelled.

**"Oops." She grinned at me with her crooked teeth. Her freckles were orange, as if somebody had spray-painted her face with liquid Cheetos.**

Connor shuddered. "I've tried those. Not as good as the real thing." He remembered how many times he headed to the sink that day.

** I tried to stay cool. The school counselor had told me a million times, "Count to ten, get control of your temper." But I was so mad my mind went blank. A wave roared in my ears.**

The Olympians had suspicious expressions on their face.

Annabeth went still. No hiding Percy's parentage now.

** I don't remember touching her, but the next thing I knew, Nancy was sitting on her butt in the fountain, screaming, "Percy pushed me!"**

Ares was like, "No action at all!" He almost cried.

** Mrs. Dodds materialized next to us.**

** Some of the kids were whispering: "Did you see-"**

** "-the water-"**

** "-like it grabbed her-"**

Zeus turned to look at Poseidon like, _You get kid, I kill you!_ Tarzan-style.

Poseidon chuckled nervously.

Annabeth and Percy joined in. "We sorta were gonna tell you later... but umm..." Annabeth said.

Zeus was like, "You broke the oath! You broke the oath!"

Nico was looking very annoyed. "So did you, for your information. Hint, hint." He eyed Thalia. "It's funny that my father is the only one who didn't."

Nobody else noticed that comment, but that shocked Zeus, so he decided not to embarrass himself, and said, "We will talk about this later. Continue."

** I didn't know what they were talking about. All I knew was that I was in trouble again.**

"When are you not?"

Percy put the book down for a second and counted on his fingers. "About twice. Or maybe never... I'm not sure."

"Cool with me." Travis passed him a thumbs up.

** As soon as Mrs. Dodds was sure poor little Nancy was okay, promising to get her a new shirt at the museum gift shop, etc., etc., Mrs. Dodds turned on me. There was a triumphant fire in her eyes, as if I'd done something she'd been waiting for all semester. "Now, honey-"**

** "I know," I grumbled. "A month erasing workbooks."**

"Never guess your punishment!" Hermes face-palmed.

Annabeth started, "I've told Percy a billion times to learn respect..." *hint, hint*

"Uh, yeah."

** That wasn't the right thing to say.**

"No durr!" Said Nico.

"Shut up with the 'No durrs!' already!" Thalia borrowed one of Apollo's pillows and threw it at him.

** "Come with me," Mrs. Dodds said.**

** "Wait!" Grover yelped. "It was me. I pushed her.**"

"That was sooo believable, Grover."

** I stared at him, stunned. I couldn't believe he was trying to cover for me. Mrs. Dodds scared Grover to death.**

** She glared at him so hard his whiskery chin trembled.**

"Why doesn't Grover shave?"

**"I don't think so, Mr. Underwood," she said.**

** "But-"**

** "You-will-stay-here."**

** Grover looked at me desperately.**

"At least he tried."

**"It's okay, man," I told him. "Thanks for trying."**

** "Honey," Mrs. Dodds barked at me. "Now."**

**Nancy Bobofit smirked.**

"The ugly fat baby smirked! At Percy!"

** I gave her my deluxe I'll-kill-you-later stare.**

"Oh, mortals," Dionysus began. "They think they can kill with a stare. They haven't met us, who actually can."

Everybody turned to face him. I was a holy moment when Dionysus was listening to anything.

** Then I turned to face Mrs. Dodds, but she wasn't there. She was standing at the museum entrance, way at the top of the steps, gesturing impatiently at me to come on.**

** How'd she get there so fast?**

"Percy, I can't believe you were so stupid to think that this stuff wasn't supernatural." Thalia said to Percy.

Percy defended himself. "Hey, I was trying to keep everything logical."

"Suurrrrre. Percy. Logical. I believe that."

** I have moments like that a lot, when my brain falls asleep or something, and the next thing I know I've missed something, as if a puzzle piece fell out of the universe and left me staring at the blank place behind it. The school counselor told me this was part of the ADHD, my brain misinterpreting things.**

** I wasn't so sure.**

"No durr!"

Apollo threw the pillow this time, and it landed in his mouth, muffling his words.

** I went after Mrs. Dodds.**

** Halfway up the steps, I glanced back at Grover. He was looking pale, cutting his eyes between me and Mr. Brunner, like he wanted Mr. Brunner to notice what was going on, but Mr. Brunner was absorbed in his novel.**

"Pay attention, Chiron!"

"Don't worry, he is."

"Nice acting skills, then."

** I looked back up. Mrs. Dodds had disappeared again. She was now inside the building, at the end of the entrance hall.**

** Okay, I thought. She's going to make me buy a new shirt for Nancy at the gift shop.**

** But apparently that wasn't the plan.**

"It never is," said Poseidon sadly.

** I followed her deeper into the museum. When I finally caught up to her, we were back in the Greek and Roman section.**

"She likes drama, doesn't she?" asked Hermes.

"She does," answered Hades.

** Except for us, the gallery was empty.**

"Oh, crap." *Face-palm*

** Mrs. Dodds stood with her arms crossed in front of a big marble frieze of the Greek gods. She was making this weird noise in her throat, like growling.**

"She's a monster, idiot!"

"I know that now," Percy said solemnly with a exaggeratedly grave expression.

** Even without the noise, I would've been nervous. It's weird being alone with a teacher, especially Mrs. Dodds. Something about the way she looked at the frieze, as if she wanted to pulverize it…**

"No durr! She's a monster!"

"If you don't shut up with the 'No durrs!' Nico; I'm gonna shove one down your throat! Got it!"

He squeaked, "No durr!"

To prevent a death, Percy kept reading.

** "You've been giving us problems, honey," she said.**

** I did the safe thing. I said, "Yes, ma'am."**

"Not, the best thing to do..."

Ares was grinning like a loon.

** She tugged on the cuffs of her leather jacket. "Did you really think you would get away with it?"**

"Yes, yes he did."

**The look in her eyes was beyond mad. It was evil.**

"No durr!"

Thalia threw another pillow, but Nico was expecting it. He sidestepped, only to be hit by an Apollo pillow. Thalia and Apollo air-five.

Artemis sighs, "Boys." Then at Thalia, "My hunters."

** She's a teacher, I thought nervously. It's not like she's going to hurt me.**

Ares's grin, stretched ear-to-ear literally.

** I said, "I'll-I'll try harder, ma'am."**

** Thunder shook the building.**

Poseidon glared at Zeus, who was still munching away at his ambrosia cereal.

** "We are not fools, Percy Jackson," Mrs. Dodds said. "It was only a matter of time before we found you out. Confess, and you will suffer less pain."**

** I didn't know what she was talking about.**

"No durr!"

** All I could think of was that the teachers must've found the illegal stash of candy I'd been selling out of my dorm room.**

Hermes and Percy air-five. Everybody else face-palms.

** Or maybe they'd realized I got my essay on Tom Sawyer from the Internet without ever reading the book and now they were going to take away my grade. Or worse, they were going to make me read the book.**

"What's wrong with reading the book?" asked Athena and Annabeth.

"Everything!" Everybody else responded.

** "Well?" she demanded.**

** "Ma'am, I don't…"**

** "Your time is up," she hissed.**

"That's creepy, the way she hisses," Travis said.

"I think that's the point," Connor replied.

**Then the weirdest thing happened. Her eyes began to glow like barbecue coals. Her fingers stretched, turning into talons. Her jacket melted into large, leathery wings. She wasn't human. She was a shriveled hag with bat wings and claws and a mouth full of yellow fangs, and she was about to slice me to ribbons.**

"Why'd you send a fury?!"

Hades stuttered, "Well, he's still alive."

"But still!"

Percy hastily continued.

**Then things got even stranger.**

"Only Percy," Thalia said.

**Mr. Brunner, who'd been out in front of the museum a minute before, wheeled his chair into the doorway of the gallery, holding a pen in his hand.**

**"What ho, Percy!" he shouted, and tossed the pen through the air.**

"What ho!" The Stolls yelled together. They threw the Gods's stolen pens back at them. Percy felt into his pocket cautiously. Anaklusmos was still there.

**Mrs. Dodds lunged at me.**

"Yes! Kill! KILL!"

** With a yelp, I dodged and felt talons slash the air next to my ear. I snatched the ballpoint pen out of the air, but when it hit my hand, it wasn't a pen anymore. It was a sword-Mr. Brunner's bronze sword, which he always used on tournament day.**

"Yeah!" Ares got up from his throne and started running around. The Stolls grinned at each other and joined him.

Clarisse stared at her father, as if he'd gone crazy.

Aphrodite wrinkled her nose.

Ares sat back on his throne, and the Stolls went sadly back to their places.

** Mrs. Dodds spun toward me with a murderous look in her eyes.**

** My knees were jelly. My hands were shaking so bad I almost dropped the sword.**

"Wimp!"

**She snarled, "Die, honey!"**

"Quit it with the 'Honey'!" Apollo threw a pillow at the book.

** And she flew straight at me.**

Poseidon growled.

** Absolute terror ran through my body. I did the only thing that came naturally: I swung the sword.**

"Yes," started Hermes. "It's perfectly natural for a 12-year-old to swing a sword."

** The metal blade hit her shoulder and passed clean through her body as if she were made of water. Hisss!**

Applause filled the room.

Hades said, "He likes water metaphors a lot!"

Athena was wide-eyed. "You know what a metaphor is? I thought I was the only one."

Hades scowled.

Poseidon sighed out.

** Mrs. Dodds was a sand castle in a power fan. She exploded into yellow powder, vaporized on the spot, leaving nothing but the smell of sulfur and a dying screech and a chill of evil in the air, as if those two glowing red eyes were still watching me.**

"He has weird descriptions."

Percy put the book down, put his hands up, and said, "I swear over the Styx, that was what it looked like."

** I was alone.**

** There was a ballpoint pen in my hand.**

"Idiot, it just turned into a sword! You just killed a Fury with it!"

** Mr. Brunner wasn't there. Nobody was there but me.**

** My hands were still trembling. My lunch must've been contaminated with magic mushrooms or something.**

Hermes said, "Yes Percy, magic mushrooms are perfectly logical."

Demeter makes a bunch of them appear in her hands and throws them at the demigods.

** Had I imagined the whole thing?**

** I went back outside.**

** It had started to rain.**

Everyone looked to Zeus.

** Grover was sitting by the fountain, a museum map tented over his head. Nancy Bobofit was still standing there, soaked from her swim in the fountain, grumbling to her ugly friends. When she saw me, she said, "I hope Mrs. Kerr whipped your butt."**

"Who?" Everybody said, but Percy.

**I said, "Who?"**

Percy chuckled.

** "Our teacher. Duh!"**

** I blinked. We had no teacher named Mrs. Kerr. I asked Nancy what she was talking about.**

"Stupid mortals, so ignorant." Dionysus said.

"Stupid mist," Poseidon said.

** She just rolled her eyes and turned away.**

** I asked Grover where Mrs. Dodds was.**

"He's going to reveal it..."

** He said, "Who?"**

** But he paused first, and he wouldn't look at me, so I thought he was messing with me.**

Connor gave Travis two drachma.

** "Not funny, man," I told him. "This is serious."**

** Thunder boomed overhead.**

Zeus shied back into his throne.

** I saw Mr. Brunner sitting under his red umbrella, reading his book, as if he'd never moved**.

"Ah, good old Chiron."

** I went over to him.**

** He looked up, a little distracted. "Ah, that would be my pen. Please bring your own writing utensil in the future, Mr. Jackson."**

"Now he knows how to lie!"

** I handed Mr. Brunner his pen. I hadn't even realized I was still holding it.**

** "Sir," I said, "where's Mrs. Dodds?"**

"See," said Hermes.

**He stared at me blankly. "Who?"**

** "The other chaperone. Mrs. Dodds. The pre-algebra teacher."**

** He frowned and sat forward, looking mildly concerned. "Percy, there is no Mrs. Dodds on this trip. As far as I know, there has never been a Mrs. Dodds at Yancy Academy. Are you feeling all right?"**

"So who's reading next?"

Nico took the book, "Me. No durr!"

Everybody threw a pillow at him.


	3. Chapter 3: Three Old Ladies

_**So people... I'm sorry I haven't posted for three weeks. I got caught up in hyperactive brain-land. I don't keep commitments very well, but I try.  
**_

_**There is a reason this story is rated T.  
**_

_**Snyderk: It's a private joke for certain people.  
**_

_**So thanks to all the people that reviewed.{Anyone can read the response below}  
**_

_**Guest: [If you're here] I was touched by your wonderful review. You must really love this story to have reported this story {for MST}! I loved your incandescent kindness so much I felt a sudden beautiful need to use spectacular vocabulary so I can blow your mind! Yours Truly, MorkieStar.  
**_

_**To all MST reporters:  
**_

_**Now, for any of you people who wants to report me for MST, piss off. Maybe take a look at the other 300 stories that escaped your 'reporting' wrath. Clicking report on all of these stories should be your life's goal. Maybe one day your egos will be smaller!  
**_

_** Yours Truly,  
**_

_** The still writing (haha!) MORKIESTAR **_**\(^.^)/**

* * *

_**Chapter 2: Three Old Ladies Knit The Socks Of Death**_

After Nico recovered from a near-death experience with pillows, he started on the next chapter. "**Three Old Ladies Knit The Socks Of Death**," he said, pale. Annabeth was also pale, but no one else caught on. She whisper to Thalia, and she whispered it to everyone else. They followed Annabeth's example.

**I was used to the occasional weird experience, but usually they were over quickly. This twenty-four/seven hallucination was more than I could handle. For the rest of the school year, the entire campus seemed to be playing some kind of trick on me. The students acted as if they were completely and totally convinced that Mrs. Kerr-a perky blond woman whom I'd never seen in my life until she got on our bus at the end of the field trip-had been our pre-algebra teacher since Christmas.**

The Stolls high-fived. They looked very evil in that light, and Hermes seemed to be following that example.

Clarisse noticed and sighed, "Don't tell me. You're going to tell the newcomers that Camp Half-Blood doesn't exist." Her sword made a slithery sound as she loosened it in it's sheath. "If you do that, I can't do toilet initiation. Forget it."

Despite the very threatening sound, the Stolls' grin became huge.

**Every so often I would spring a Mrs. Dodds reference on somebody, just to see if I could trip them up, but they would stare at me like I was psycho.**

"Percy, you are psycho," Thalia said.

Poseidon looked protective of his son, despite the fact that he barely knew him. Percy just blushed red and continued reading.

**It got so I almost believed them-Mrs. Dodds had never existed.**

**Almost.**

"Grover," Everybody said.

**But Grover couldn't fool me. When I mentioned the name Dodds to him, he would hesitate, then claim she didn't exist. But I knew he was lying.**

Connor and Travis gave each other a drachma. They stupidly bet against each other on the same thing.

**Something was going on. Something had happened at the museum.**

"Obviously!"

Thalia counted to ten, and calmed down. Apollo on the other hand looked like he had a very bad sunburn, which was weird since he's the freakin' sun god.

Artemis was thinking, _Why are my hunters and my brother so much alike?_ It creeped her out.

**I didn't have much time to think about it during the days, but at night, visions of Mrs. Dodds with talons and leathery wings would wake me up in a cold sweat.**

Everybody could sympathize.

**The freak weather continued, which didn't help my mood. One night, a thunderstorm blew out the windows in my dorm room. A few days later, the biggest tornado ever spotted in the Hudson Valley touched down only fifty miles from Yancy Academy. One of the current events we studied in social studies class was the unusual number of small planes that had gone down in sudden squalls in the Atlantic that year.**

"The Lightning Thief... No!"

Poseidon looked irritated. "What?"

"That little kid of yours stole MY bolt!"

"Yes, Father. He magically used his limited mind powers to steal a lightning bolt. That's perfectly reasonable!" Athena sounded annoyed. She didn't like Poseidon, but she was starting to like this stupid demigod. He'd be fun to screw with.

**I started feeling cranky and irritable most of the time. My grades slipped from Ds to Fs. I got into more fights with Nancy Bobofit and her friends. I was sent out into the hallway in almost every class.**

**Finally, when our English teacher, Mr. Nicoll, asked me for the millionth time why I was too lazy to study for spelling tests, I snapped. I called him an old sot.**

"I didn't know what it meant," Percy said.

Annabeth giggled, "It means 'old drunk' Seaweed Brain!"

**I wasn't even sure what it meant, but it sounded good.**

**The headmaster sent my mom a letter the following week, making it official: I would not be invited back next year to Yancy Academy.**

"I'm shocked he didn't add some very dirty words into that letter," Connor grinned. He and Travis started giggling to each other about very dirty words, but they shut up when Artemis gave them an incredibly annoyed look. Second rule a demigod ever learns: Never Piss Of A God. (First rule: Don't cut off your own head when swinging a sword.) Otherwise, they might decide to kill you in incredibly painful ways.

**Fine, I told myself. Just fine.**

**I was homesick.**

"Wimp."

**I wanted to be with my mom in our little apartment on the Upper East Side, even if I had to go to public school and put up with my obnoxious stepfather and his stupid poker parties.**

Annabeth's nose turned at the mention of Smelly Gabe, and Poseidon's narrowed, concerned for a not-yet-born child.

**And yet… there were things I'd miss at Yancy. The view of the woods out my dorm window, the Hudson River in the distance, the smell of pine trees. I'd miss Grover, who'd been a good friend, even if he was a little strange. I worried how he'd survive next year without me.**

"He's a nice friend," Hera said with a smile.

Percy looked a bit pissed when Hera spoke, but no one noticed.

**I'd miss Latin class, too-Mr. Brunner's crazy tournament days and his faith that I could do well.**

**As exam week got closer, Latin was the only test I studied for. I hadn't forgotten what Mr. Brunner had told me about this subject being life-and-death for me. I wasn't sure why, but I'd started to believe him.**

"Good thing, Seaweed Brain. It is life and death to you."

Percy smiled goofily.

**The evening before my final, I got so frustrated I threw the Cambridge Guide to Greek Mythology across my dorm room. Words had started swimming off the page, circling my head, the letters doing one-eighties as if they were riding skateboards. There was no way I was going to remember the difference between Chiron and Charon, or Polydictes and Polydeuces. And conjugating those Latin verbs? Forget it.**

Everybody looked at Athena who was reciting a whole bunch of Latin verbs under her breath. "What?" She asked annoyed.

"Nothing," Nico said, and turned back to the book.

**I paced the room, feeling like ants were crawling around inside my shirt.**

"Ouch," Connor grimaced. "I feel sorry for you."

"You actually know how it feels?" Percy exclaimed.

"Oh... just a prank gone wrong." His face turned bright red.

"Don't they always?" Thalia muttered.

**I remembered Mr. Brunner's serious expression, his thousand-year-old eyes. I will accept only the best from you, Percy Jackson.**

**I took a deep breath. I picked up the mythology book.**

**I'd never asked a teacher for help before. Maybe if I talked to Mr. Brunner, he could give me some pointers. At least I could apologize for the big fat F I was about to score on his exam. I didn't want to leave Yancy Academy with him thinking I hadn't tried.**

"That's nice of him," said Hestia.

**I walked downstairs to the faculty offices. Most of them were dark and empty, but Mr. Brunner's door was ajar, light from his window stretching across the hallway floor.**

**I was three steps from the door handle when I heard voices inside the office. Mr. Brunner asked a question. A voice that was definitely Grover's said "… worried about Percy, sir."**

"Ooo! Eavesdropping," Travis giggled.

**I froze.**

**I'm not usually an eavesdropper, but I dare you to try not listening if you hear your best friend talking about you to an adult.**

Hera sighed. "Even I would fail at that dare."

Everybody mumbled their agreements.

**I inched closer.**

Everybody leaned in closer, curious about everything Percy overheard.

**"… alone this summer," Grover was saying. "I mean, a Kindly One in the school! Now that we know for sure, and they know too-"**

**"We would only make matters worse by rushing him," Mr. Brunner said. "We need the boy to mature more."**

**"But he may not have time. The summer solstice deadline- "**

**"Will have to be resolved without him, Grover. Let him enjoy his ignorance while he still can."**

**"Sir, he saw her… ."**

**"His imagination," Mr. Brunner insisted. "The Mist over the students and staff will be enough to convince him of that."**

**"Sir, I … I can't fail in my duties again." Grover's voice was choked with emotion. "You know what that would mean."**

**"You haven't failed, Grover," Mr. Brunner said kindly. "I should have seen her for what she was. Now let's just worry about keeping Percy alive until next fall-"**

"That's a shocker," Apollo said.

Artemis scowled.

"I'm smart!" Apollo yelled randomly.

Athena was laughing. "Apollo, has anyone ever told you that you are one of the dumbest gods I've met?"

Artemis raised her hand.

**The mythology book dropped out of my hand and hit the floor with a thud.**

**Mr. Brunner went silent.**

**My heart hammering, I picked up the book and backed down the hall.**

**A shadow slid across the lighted glass of Brunner's office door, the shadow of something much taller than my wheelchair-bound teacher, holding something that looked suspiciously like an archer's bow.**

"He changed into his usual form in a school!" Zeus looked like he'd been hit by static electricty, or perhaps his own lightning bolt.

**I opened the nearest door and slipped inside.**

**A few seconds later I heard a slow clop-clop-clop, like muffled wood blocks, then a sound like an animal snuffling right outside my door. A large, dark shape paused in front of the glass, then moved on.**

"I'm surprised he noticed that," said Athena.

Poseidon looked at her like, _Shut up!_

**A bead of sweat trickled down my neck.**

**Somewhere in the hallway, Mr. Brunner spoke. "Nothing," he murmured. "My nerves haven't been right since the winter solstice."**

"Why winter solstice?" Zeus muttered.

**"Mine neither," Grover said. "But I could have sworn …"**

Percy sighed.

**"Go back to the dorm," Mr. Brunner told him. "You've got a long day of exams tomorrow."**

**"Don't remind me."**

**The lights went out in Mr. Brunner's office.**

**I waited in the dark for what seemed like forever.**

**Finally, I slipped out into the hallway and made my way back up to the dorm.**

**Grover was lying on his bed, studying his Latin exam notes like he'd been there all night.**

"Not at all," said Apollo.

Artemis's scowl deepened.

**"Hey," he said, bleary-eyed. "You going to be ready for this test?"**

**I didn't answer.**

"Of course he didn't," Hephaestus said. "Poor kid found out that he's in risk of death."

**"You look awful." He frowned. "Is everything okay?"**

"Just… tired."

**I turned so he couldn't read my expression, and started getting ready for bed.**

"Doesn't work, kiddo." Ares smirked.

Athena looked alarmed. Her mouth gaped open. "You...know something useful?"

Ares looked annoyed.

**I didn't understand what I'd heard downstairs. I wanted to believe I'd imagined the whole thing.**

**But one thing was clear: Grover and Mr. Brunner were talking about me behind my back. They thought I was in some kind of danger.**

"Percy, you're a son of the Big Three." Annabeth started. "That's the norm."

**The next afternoon, as I was leaving the three-hour Latin exam,**

Apollo yelped. "3 freakin' hours!"

**my eyes swimming with all the Greek and Roman names I'd misspelled, Mr. Brunner called me back inside.**

Dionysus looked absent-minded like usual. "Good job making brats nervous, Chiron," he said to a currently-not-there Chiron.

**For a moment, I was worried he'd found out about my eavesdropping the night before, but that didn't seem to be the problem.**

**"Percy," he said. "Don't be discouraged about leaving Yancy. It's … it's for the best."**

"Oh great, he's gonna take it the wrong way," Thalia guessed.

"Oh please, don't piss your pants and be a wimp," Ares prayed.

Clarisse looked at her dad like, _what's up with him?_

Athena shrugged. "He's usually like this," she mouthed.

Clarisse nodded. Time to keep sharpening her sword.

**His tone was kind, but the words still embarrassed me. Even though he was speaking quietly, the other kids finishing the test could hear. Nancy Bobofit smirked at me and made sarcastic little kissing motions with her lips.**

Aphrodite recoiled. "Eww! Everybody probably runs away when she does that."

**I mumbled, "Okay, sir."**

**"I mean …" Mr. Brunner wheeled his chair back and forth, like he wasn't sure what to say. "This isn't the right place for you. It was only a matter of time."**

**My eyes stung.**

"He's taking it the the wrong way," said Thalia.

"No! He's only one step from pissing his pants!"

Clarisse mouthed to Aphrodite, "What drug are you feeding him?"

She mouthed back, "I dunno. I just picked up a random one from the drug dealer."

**Here was my favorite teacher, in front of the class, telling me I couldn't handle it. After saying he believed in me all year, now he was telling me I was destined to get kicked out.**

**"Right," I said, trembling.**

**"No, no," Mr. Brunner said. "Oh, confound it all. What I'm trying to say … you're not normal, Percy. That's nothing to be-"**

**"Thanks," I blurted. "Thanks a lot, sir, for reminding me."**

Thalia sighed out. "He took it the wrong way."

Percy looked a bit frustrated. "Stop talking like I'm not here!"

All the gods looked appalled.

Thalia chuckled quietly.

**"Percy-"**

**But I was already gone.**

Everybody:*sigh*

**On the last day of the term, I shoved my clothes into my suitcase.**

**The other guys were joking around, talking about their vacation plans. One of them was going on a hiking trip to Switzerland. Another was cruising the Caribbean for a month. They were juvenile delinquents, like me, but they were rich juvenile delinquents. Their daddies were executives, or ambassadors, or celebrities. I was a nobody, from a family of nobodies.**

"No, you're not," said Zeus. "Your uncle is the king of gods."

"No mention of me?" joked Poseidon.

"You are a nobody."

"You just complimented the nobodies of the world!"

**They asked me what I'd be doing this summer and I told them I was going back to the city.**

**What I didn't tell them was that I'd have to get a summer job walking dogs or selling magazine subscriptions, and spend my free time worrying about where I'd go to school in the fall.**

Annabeth looked down.

**"Oh," one of the guys said. "That's cool."**

**They went back to their conversation as if I'd never existed.**

Suddenly, everybody noticed that the Stolls weren't there.

Hermes grinned. "Let's go find what my sons are up to!"

The demigods headed into the dining room and found the ceiling wrapped in god-size toilet paper. A whole lot of cussing monkeys were climbing the ceiling wrapping huge rolls of paper everywhere.

Two boys were standing by grabbing toilet paper and handing it to the monkeys.

Annabeth and everybody else: O_O"

Hermes: XD

They stared. Finally Nico walked up to them. "Uh...what are you doing?"

The two boys noticed the almighty gods. They chuckled nervously.

Zeus muttered under his breath, "Even I don't have the power to clean that!"

"Oh...we stole from a vendor selling talking/swearing monkeys. And uh...you guys have huge never-ending toilet paper rolls. Hehe?!" Connor said somewhat hysterically.

Hermes then asked, "Can I help?"

The boys grinned, but then all three of the of them saw Zeus watching them. "Uh...actually we were thinking of cleaning it up." Travis said. Then he did something weirder. He yelled, "KEY WORD: SHIT!"

Annabeth asked, "Shit?"

"I told you guys, they're swearing monkeys."

*facepalm*

Everybody goes back into throne room as Stolls clean.

**The only person I dreaded saying good-bye to was Grover, but as it turned out, I didn't have to. He'd booked a ticket to Manhattan on the same Greyhound as I had, so there we were, together again, heading into the city.**

"Yes, that's a coincidence," said Athena sarcastically.

**During the whole bus ride, Grover kept glancing nervously down the aisle, watching the other passengers. It occurred to me that he'd always acted nervous and fidgety when we left Yancy, as if he expected something bad to happen. Before, I'd always assumed he was worried about getting teased. But there was nobody to tease him on the Greyhound.**

**Finally I couldn't stand it anymore.**

**I said, "Looking for Kindly Ones?"**

"He probably had a heart attack," Aphrodite exclaimed. "Poor thing!"

"He would have got one from eating all those enchiladas, anyway!" Demeter said. "He should eat wheat!"

Then Apollo said randomly, "'Eat' and 'wheat' rhyme!" He started giggling.

Athena looked at Artemis. "Hand me the drugs and the alcohol."

Artemis handed over a couple packets of...something, and a god-size bottle of liquor.

**Grover nearly jumped out of his seat. "Wha-what do you mean?"**

Thalia grinned, "Oh, Grover!"

Percy looked at her oddly. "You do know I'm going to tell him about this when I get back, right?"

Thalia shut up.

**I confessed about eavesdropping on him and Mr. Brunner the night before the exam.**

**Grover's eye twitched. "How much did you hear?"**

**"Oh … not much. What's the summer solstice dead-line?"**

**He winced. "Look, Percy … I was just worried for you, see? I mean, hallucinating about demon math teachers …"**

"No, Grover. That didn't give it away," Nico said.

**"Grover-"**

**"And I was telling Mr. Brunner that maybe you were overstressed or something, because there was no such person as Mrs. Dodds, and …"**

**"Grover, you're a really, really bad liar."**

"No duh."

**His ears turned pink.**

**From his shirt pocket, he fished out a grubby business card. "Just take this, okay? In case you need me this summer.**

**The card was in fancy script, which was murder on my dyslexic eyes, but I finally made out something like:**

Athena looked at Dionysus. "Are you trying to kill half-bloods?"

"I get less brats."

"That was a rhetorical question."

**Grover Underwood**

**Keeper**

**Half-Blood Hill**

**Long Island, New York**

**(800) 009-0009**

**"What's Half-"**

**"Don't say it aloud!" he yelped. "That's my, um … summer address."**

**My heart sank. Grover had a summer home. I'd never considered that his family might be as rich as the others at Yancy.**

**"Okay," I said glumly. "So, like, if I want to come visit your mansion."**

**He nodded. "Or … or if you need me."**

**"Why would I need you?"**

"Harsh," said Thalia.

"Boys," said Artemis.

**It came out harsher than I meant it to.**

"No duh!"

**Grover blushed right down to his Adam's apple. "Look, Percy, the truth is, I-I kind of have to protect you."**

*Sigh*

**I stared at him.**

**All year long, I'd gotten in fights, keeping bullies away from him. I'd lost sleep worrying that he'd get beaten up next year without me. And here he was acting like he was the one who defended me.**

**"Grover," I said, "what exactly are you protecting me from?"**

**There was a huge grinding noise under our feet. Black smoke poured from the dashboard and the whole bus filled with a smell like rotten eggs. The driver cursed and limped the Greyhound over to the side of the highway.**

"Monster?" asked Poseidon.

"No." Athena turned pale as she realized what it was.

Percy didn't say anything.

**After a few minutes clanking around in the engine compartment, the driver announced that we'd all have to get off. Grover and I filed outside with everybody else.**

**We were on a stretch of country road-no place you'd notice if you didn't break down there. On our side of the highway was nothing but maple trees and litter from passing cars. On the other side, across four lanes of asphalt shimmering with afternoon heat, was an old-fashioned fruit stand.**

Hades furrowed his eyebrows.

**The stuff on sale looked really good: heaping boxes of bloodred cherries and apples, walnuts and apricots, jugs of cider in a claw-foot tub full of ice. There were no customers, just three old ladies sitting in rocking chairs in the shade of a maple tree, knitting the biggest pair of socks I'd ever seen.**

Everybody but Ares gasped.

Ares looked around. "What?"

**I mean these socks were the size of sweaters, but they were clearly socks. The lady on the right knitted one of them. The lady on the left knitted the other. The lady in the middle held an enormous basket of electric-blue yarn.**

**All three women looked ancient, with pale faces wrinkled like fruit leather, silver hair tied back in white bandannas, bony arms sticking out of bleached cotton dresses.**

**The weirdest thing was, they seemed to be looking right at me.**

Annabeth looked sick. "Like the first time," she muttered.

**I looked over at Grover to say something about this and saw that the blood had drained from his face. His nose was twitching.**

**"Grover?" I said. "Hey, man-"**

**"Tell me they're not looking at you. They are, aren't they?"**

**"Yeah. Weird, huh? You think those socks would fit me?"**

**"Not funny, Percy. Not funny at all."**

"No," Annabeth said. "Not funny at all."

Ares took this moment to catch up. "Oh, those are the fates?" Even the war god was quiet at the menton of these beings.

**The old lady in the middle took out a huge pair of scissors-gold and silver, long-bladed, like shears. I heard Grover catch his breath.**

**"We're getting on the bus," he told me. "Come on."**

**"What?" I said. "It's a thousand degrees in there."**

"Follow him," said Poseidon.

**"Come on!'" He pried open the door and climbed inside, but I stayed back.**

**Across the road, the old ladies were still watching me. The middle one cut the yarn, and I swear I could hear that snip across four lanes of traffic. Her two friends balled up the electric-blue socks, leaving me wondering who they could possibly be for-Sasquatch or Godzilla.**

"Not a good time to be making jokes," Thalia muttered.

Percy looked down. "I didn't know."

**At the rear of the bus, the driver wrenched a big chunk of smoking metal out of the engine compartment. The bus shuddered, and the engine roared back to life.**

**The passengers cheered.**

**"Darn right!" yelled the driver. He slapped the bus with his hat. "Everybody back on board!"**

**Once we got going, I started feeling feverish, as if I'd caught the flu.**

"Oh," Athena sighed. "No."

**Grover didn't look much better. He was shivering and his teeth were chattering.**

**"Grover?"**

**"Yeah?"**

**"What are you not telling me?"**

"Yes, Grover," Poseidon urged. "What are you not telling him?"

**He dabbed his forehead with his shirt sleeve. "Percy, what did you see back at the fruit stand?"**

**"You mean the old ladies? What is it about them, man? They're not like … Mrs. Dodds, are they?"**

**His expression was hard to read, but I got the feeling that the fruit-stand ladies were something much, much worse than Mrs. Dodds.**

"They are," sighed Demeter.

**He said, "Just tell me what you saw."**

**"The middle one took out her scissors, and she cut the yarn."**

**Poseidon looked down.**

**He closed his eyes and made a gesture with his fingers that might've been crossing himself, but it wasn't. It was something else, something almost-older.**

"I'm surprised," said Athena softly.

**He said, "You saw her snip the cord."**

**"Yeah. So?" But even as I said it, I knew it was a big deal.**

**"This is not happening," Grover mumbled. He started chewing at his thumb. "I don't want this to be like the last time."**

Zeus looked nervous...he thought of that lady.

**"What last time?"**

**"Always sixth grade. They never get past sixth."**

**"Grover," I said, because he was really starting to scare me. "What are you talking about?"**

Zeus gritted his teeth. "Yes Grover. What are you talking about?"

**"Let me walk you home from the bus station. Promise me."**

**This seemed like a strange request to me, but I promised he could.**

**"Is this like a superstition or something?" I asked.**

**No answer.**

**"Grover-that snipping of the yarn. Does that mean somebody is going to die?"**

"He figured it out," muttered Athena.

**He looked at me mournfully, like he was already picking the kind of flowers I'd like best on my coffin.**

Everyone looked sad at that.

Ares looked up first. "So who's reading next?"

Thalia took the book. "I am," she said.


End file.
